a fucking good morning

well...it's a busy morning as always but not like today...with i've almost made a mistake by thinking that KL is having it's public holiday today ( Nuzul Al Quran ) which may cause me to switch off my handphone and sleep for the whole day which would resulted me to get lot of thrashing from my bos..and wow..Kemaman lease line down..totally down..

i never swear that much for this morning..

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September/Ramadhan

gosh...how to put an underline ? hahaha


pagi yg sibuk cm biasa..n it's has been a while since i post anything to do this blog..or u can call it a diary of me xD..posa datang lagi..n as usuall..i've to work morning shift for the rest of ramadhan due to the fact that i might breaking my fast at the office since afternoon shift usually ended around 8 pm..

and i already suffering from not enough of sleep due to the fact that i usually go to the office print my report and also chatting with friends...i can count that i only managed to score below 6 hour of sleeping..maybe 4 hours only while the average human sleep around 6 hour per day..and i never spend much of of my time hanging out with friends..hahaha

politics,blogs & shits

for the 1st time..i want to talk about politics..i really don't want to talk about it anyway coz for me..malaysia politics = shit..sarcarsm..but the reality is a fact..from my point of view..malaysia politics is a quite of mess esp in the current management..maybe Pak Lah is totally doing it by the rules ..everything is transparent..freedom of speech for media...bla2..n the end result..well..everyone is holding their gun loaded..haha..now maybe u realize that during Mahathir's reign of control..everything is under a strict surveilance ( did i spell it correct ? )..maybe we're lucky enough to remember the riot by those pressman at Utusan some decade ago because of the oppression/no freedom of speech..but the end result ? no rumors.everything so quite..maybe i'm going to miss those day when people are divided by two : PAS & UMNO..but now..add another one PKR..

did anyone notice,malay are getting smaller because of this division ?

Anwar maybe a deviant leader..but how quickly people forget that he's a former UMNO & BN leader...and how many people kept forgetting those blood-sucker behind him..and how's he a true link to the US..but he's good in keeping the money well..a good thing or maybe a good solution for our country current financial problem..

but my point..is for those day who supporting without thinking it truely..please be remind that, while u're critizing those blood sucker inside UMNO/BN..don't forget that not everyone is deviant..rasuah n politics money..will still remain..whether u're PAS,UMNO,BN,DAP,PKR..

aaa..i'm still waiting for the scavanger fight..if the country falls unto the opposition..PAS wanna have a ISLAM nation ( they have a very bad eye on the US ), DAP is always against the motion to turn Malaysia into 100 % islamic country, PKR well....maybe their 1st motto to have their revenge..

can we have a safe n peacefull country ? until BN can find a very good leader....well there's goes our nation..

we might not need any election after this..well everyone is free to crossover ....HAHAHAHAHAHA

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erghh...dah lama aku x menulis dsini..semenjak aku bz menjadi 'bos'..so bykla email yg aku kene layan n amounting task yg bnyk kali menyebabkan aku menyebutkan the 'F' word or the 'S' word..byk giler report yg langsung x 'telly'..

sum :-

3/7--my 28 birthday..and still i'm a single..like the past 28 years..

and somehow..i fell in love..this is a new thing..someone that i managed to stumbled a couple of month ago..and i didn't know whether this is luck or what..and i hope it is because i have to forget about the past and move on without turning back my head over something that i've being fighting for a long time..

who is she ?

friend to a friends..and i really didn't knew how the process when..she is a very nice person..and somehow i think she is cute..compare to E..she is not it the same level as E was but when i look back..there's something that E doesn't have but really i didn't what was it..maybe i'm in love with a stranger..love at a first sight..she is quite a young person..but i didn't think that will be a major issue..

what the heck..yes...i'm in love with her..wish me luck on finding my first love...

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i wish that everyday is a shit like everyday...can we say that ? it turns out that my life is becoming more rediculous than ever..all my great escape plan always brings me back to the starting point again and again..god i hate HIM !!!!!

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er...selamat hari jadi kepada aku...lambat actually...3/7 aritu...dan still...aku solo !!!!

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internet baru ok ?

setelah beberapa hari aku mengalami 'com-lag' yg parah..akhirnye..aku fully functional..

hari ni bukan hari aku..masuk keje lewat..kene marah ngan staff aku pasal kuar bodo2..kene bising ngan bos aku psl kes telefon..n plenty of paperwork yg aku kene handle..

tp..dalam kesibukan aku..terkenang gak perkara2 yg berlaku selama ini..sedar tak sedar..semua org sudah pun membesar..yg mana dulu macam budak..skrg dah tinggi melangit..yg mana x tahu apa tu clubbing dah mula berbicara ttg ladies night..hehe..

this is life actually..n setiap kali aku bawak kereta melalui jalan gombak..sambil memasang lagu portishead..aku seakan terkenang akan segala kenangan lalu..mungkin kenangan yg banyak menahan aku dari meneruskan kehidupan ini..menyebabkan aku seakan2 tersangkut di satu titik kehidupan yang mana sepatutnya aku teruskan..tp aku enggan..sebaliknya terus berhenti dan berharap..ianya akan muncul..keajaiban atau hukuman alam terhadap aku..

susah kta nak baca perangai atau kelakuan org..mungkin aku x paham ttg aku sendiri..ataupun mungkin ini hanya dugaan tuhan..mungkin aku patut mengejar sesuatu yg tak pasti..tp dikala ini aku pun menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti..tersepit aku..

setiap kali aku bersama dia..secara langsung atau tidak langsung..aku berasa bahagia tetapi tidak gembira..mungkin aku tahu bahawasanya dia adalah 'kekasih gelapku'..dan apabila aku bersama dengan seseorg yg aku cuba utk cintai..aku berasa gembira dan bahagia..tetapi..perasaan itu adalah seketika..aku seakan2 merasakan bahawa aku perlu menunggu dan jangan terburu mengejar yang lain semata2 hatiku dikecewakan..tambahan lagi setelah beberapa minggu 'bersama' dengan dia..infact lebih aktif dari dulu..ada sesuatu yg bermain dalam fikiran aku mahupun dia..adakah ini suatu kepastian ataupun naluri hanya bermain dengan pemikiran aku yang rapuh ini..kenapa segala2nya tidak transparent..

mungkin ada keajaiban tersembunyi dalam permainan hati dan perasaan...yang sudah menjerat hatiku selama setahun lebih ini..mungkin betul..dalam kehidupan kta sekali...hanya ada satu cinta sejati yang akan kta jumpe..dan mungkin tidak ada keduanya..kenapa ? kerana sudah berulang kali aku cuba keluar dari dilema ini..dan dikala segala2nya sudah hampir sempurna..ianya akan kembali...ya allah..kalau betul inilah jodohku..tunjukkan lah jalannya agar aku tidak sesat dan menderita semula...

mungkin aku just patut pinang je dia..abis cerita

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arini...eh salah..dua hari lepas..member baik aku mental x betul da tunang..a shocking story..psl dari gaya dia mmg x gaya langsung nak kawin..tup2 dua bulan lepas bleh hangout layan butter..tetiba je da nak kawin..mmg betul aa dia serius nak kawin..walaupun dia pernah ajak aku ( ko serius ke time tu ? ) tp actually dia sendiri tahu..jauh dalam diri aku...ada satu sora yg berbunyi " ko boleh memiliki ku tapi bukan hati ku "..pergh...padahal ini ayat dia..hehe thanks psl ada je menggangu aku...bile nak reload henset aku buat kali terakhir ? hantu pasir...
so..the next question is...bile lak turn aku..yg pasti aku x kan kawin dalam tempoh 6 bulan terdekat ni becuz it is totally impossible..melainkan aku jual dadah ke..kene loteri ke..tanah umah aku goverment nak amik ke..woah..tu mau cecah setengah juta kalau derang nak amik..hahhaa adake ...so insya-allah target aku next year...tp ni target je la...aku still berserah kepada ilahi..lagipun calon tu ada tp x dapat je..kekadang aku pelik kenapa org dengor aku cakap gini jadi pelik..sapa yg pelik ? pelik2..calon aku tu...sorg yg aku suka giler...bagi aku x segan nak mengaku bahwa dia banyak mempengaruhi hidup aku dlm tempoh setahun ni..biarpun sampi ke saat ini dia masih tak nak terima aku..n dari mulut dia...sampai bila2..tp ntah..aku cam malas nak cari lain...tp tipu la kalau aku cakap aku x cari..aku cari..tp feel dia x sama...i cannot love someone who i didn;t love..mungkin aura dia still ada..hook tu still strong no matter how hard aku try nak lupakan dia ( believe me i DID !!! )..mungkin ada jodoh antara aku n dia...maybe x de...psl jodoh itu ditangan tuhan..and we always know that god works in a strange way..sinikal..tp kontra disini..yg kta tahu qada n qadar itu ditangan tuhan..sejauh mana kta merancang...tp 'kun fayakun'...segala2nya mampu berubah sekelip mata...
so perancangan aku skrg ialah..stay loyal to the company...tgu masa yang sesuai utk move on..aku try apply goverment..more stabil n terjamin kind of job and in the mean time..try to focus on my band and also my sub project which begging my idea every day...
and pray hard...that one day..someone that can accept me..will show up..and if the person wasn't her..i hope that she could inspire me just like her..i want to wish that she is the one for me..but after all the attempt that i have gone through..i just want to leave this one to god's will...insya-allah...i will married..and have a happy loving family for all the intire life that i have..

will u married me ?

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aaa....aku taip esok je la...still terkedu actually

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i have decided to not attend the interview on wednesday. why ? because it seems to sudden plus there is plenty of sacrifice that have to be made..and please..this is isn't the end of the world for me..and it is offer me sometime to think about my future rather than made a sudden jump and then realizing everything was a mistake..

her ? owh i really dun care that much..kalau ada jodoh x kemana..at least i know that can still be in contact with her..if i took the job, how can i be synchronize with her...the job itself were a pain in the butt...high paid but no much life...really...is this the choice ?

for once...i've decided to secure myself a job that offer a better future and a better LIFE

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" when we are missing someone "

hari ni aku rasa cam ntah hapa2...malas nak buat keje..asyik melayan lagu je daari pagi sampai ke petang...asyik bukak email,lowyat...hantar email tu email ni...
aku kenapa ?

kekadang aku rasa cam aku ni mengalami kesan dalaman akibat merindui seseorang..eventhough people said " c'mon la...baru dua hari..infact u're going to meet her in 2 weeks time "..but for me...if both of us are falling in love with each other...2 weeks means nothing but the problem now..we're NOT..

sometimes...i just wanna send sms just to say hi or just wanna ask how's she doing back home..but i just can't..really i don't have a single excuse of what causing me not to have the courage to send it..but reality does put some point there..it's a pain to know that she won't be back in Kuantan anymore..maybe she will be coming back but just a few days..i really miss every moment that i shared with her...now i felt lonely...so empty..maybe because my plan of forgetting her for good are ruined because somehow i managed to be closed with her on the last 7 days...we joke,we hang out..at one time she spoke " eh maisu pakai baju merah cam kta "...n that's really knock me cold..why ? because she never spoke that kind of word before..when i spoke that i'm going to miss her..she replied " maisu kan selalu turun kl..boleh kta ajak jln2 "..now u got the answer why plan have gone down into the drain..sucks...:D

next week i got an interview in kl..if i succeed means that i've to resign in two days time..fine myself a new house somewhere near KUB building..start a new life..and found myself with her again..

kalau aku dan dia are destined to be together...please god tell me and help me !! and also whether this job prove to be a correct decision...

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arini aku jiwa kaco..aku leh layan lagu nico - rindu n kru - cherinna berulang2 kali..arghh...susahnye hati aku..pastu aku leh hantar resume ke 40 company it kat kl n isi borang spa..

aku ni terdesak ke rindu ke jatuh hati ke atau demam aku x baik lagi ?

gile...

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saje je...

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hari ni aku tulis gak.dekat 1 minggu aku cakap nak tulis wlaupun ngan masa yg ada tp aku bazirkan dengan buat keje x berfaedah tu lagi.so far hmpr sebulan aku x sebut 5 huruf tu..dan dekat 1 bulan aku cuma jumpe 2 kali je..most of the time aku always mengelak dari berjumpa, bercakap, bermsg dll...ada certain time aku rasa cam kene pinggir je tp wtf aku peduli hapa..mati nanti sorang jugak..haha..aku skrg feel hepi psl dah x de mende yg kaco pemikiran aku dah..main bola pun dah makin meningkat..haha.miss the old defensive midfielder..

so ada member aku tanya..
skrg ko buat pe balik dari keje ? aku jawab :

abis keje..duk opis sejam dua
pegi makan
balik umah main game/tgk astro/layan kucing
malam sikit cari mangsa kat taj/cs/alif
dah cecah 1 pagi tdo...

a boring life...but that's life...hhehehe

tp ada sesuatu yg buat aku seronok...samada dia bakal menjadi my best bud or my perfect one..i really don't care..because she really come in times i need someone to help me to forget the other one..and yes i'm almost succeed..

tomorrow is the D-Day..aku perform kt kuantan plaza..rasa cam best tp ntahla..because i'm to going to play 'that' song..infact aku baru perasaan setlist for tomorrow is a jiwa kecewa type of theme..huhuh..lantak pi la..biarpun blum apa2 lagi dah ada org nak downkan aku..peduli hapa..aku just nak have the fun of it..enjoying the starlight..

iza..ko sihat ke disana ?

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aku rasa cam nak pindah umah..pastu aku rasa cam nak pindah kl ( ada org suka la aku pindah ni :P )..boring pastu bosan dengan kerenah so far called 'friends' kat kuantan ni..it's not like it use to be..maybe ada antaranya salah aku gak..but aku rasa dari dulu lagi mende ni dah berlaku..every one is being comfort with those satu kepala dengan mereka...if that's the case mine is in KL..but i miss kuantan dearly..close to my real home,hidup x sesesak kat kl..at least i can still survive here..but kl..camne ek..

sorang kwn aku bodo..bikin aku panas satu malam..x pandai langsung hormat perasaan member..

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kadang2 ..

kta rasa kta buat mende tu betul tp pada mata org salah
kta rasa org tu bahagia tp sebenarnya tidak
kta buat2 gembira,suka sana sini tp disebaliknya tidak
kta tunjuk benci,marah,geram dengan org itu tp sebenarnya lain sama sekali
kta rasa boleh baca sifat seseorang itu tp sebenarnya tidak
kta rasa percaya bhw dia adalah yg terbaik tp sebenarnya tidak
kta rasa dah cukup berusaha tp sebenarnya tidak
kta rasa kecewa tp sebenarnya kta puas hati

ya..aku puas hati psl aku dah buat yg termampu utk diri dia..aku x kisah samaada dia suka atau tidak kerana satu masa dahulu itula kehendak dia..dan pilihan aku ketika itu samada mahu mencuba atau tidak..aku tahu risiko dan peluang yg teramat tipis..tp bagi aku ianya satu pilihan yg worth to be dying with..kta x leh nak ramal masa depan..it's just a rollercoaster ride actually..the positive factor is : you knew well about her..and what's best than being with your true friend as ur long-loving partner till the end of life..

currently everything has turn up side down..but i already predicted it will happen..and alhamdullilah it's happened..kenapa aku bersyukur ? psl ianya menandakan titik berhenti kpd segala usaha aku..it's already that i've tried enough..but it's not a game end..kalau ada jodoh tidak kemana..i always believe there is hope..maybe a small hope..and i always hope time will heal all the wound..will make her to think deeply inside her heart how i am always there for her..because that's the true meaning of being special..regardless the critism/pain/suffering/dilema that i faced all along but still i bounced back for her..sometimes i ask god..why that i must fell in love with her..someone that i once thought only as a best friend..am i that lonely..or there is jodoh between us anyway..

i always believe in magic,miracle,dreams...because there is exist..can magic save my dream ?

sometimes i just wish that could just fade like dust because to hurt/disturb/to be called annoying were the last thing a friend could do to his friend..sometimes i feel dumb doing things that in the end she doesn't have any glimmer appreciate it..sometimes i felt regret to try because i know the battle is though..

but i knew all the risk..and i took it..because i knew that she indeed special..if this is a war that i couldn't win..for once i wanna die trying it.. no use if u admire someone but got no bottle to fight over it..

as a linear note...i wish she knew that i have become the person she wanted the most sometimes ago..but i couldn't be perfect like all human does..and for all the stupid things that i've done..sincerely and publicly..i appologize..as a normal human..we will always do mistake...

now i felt much freedom....no need to taking care of her..eventhough she never ask me to take her..no need to worried damm much when she becomes ill..no need to worried about her safety when she travel anywhere..no need to put her on the top of my priority list whenever i go out/travel..no need to wish her gudnite,gudmorning..damm..there so much more of her in my life..and now i felt empty... :(...now let's other people who she liked the most to take care her..and again..i hope that her choice were better than me..so in the end i don't felt much regret...

my 11th crush..were among the biggest,the baddest,the heartbreaking ever..i sincerely confess it now..that i've started to have this love feeling since 2005...it's spill out finally on Jun 2007..it ended on 1 April 2008..by 15 sms...it ended with me confessing and telling everything from the deep jungle of my heart..

there is one thing that i will missing the most..her smile..her laugh..her cheerfull face..her voice..her sms..her call..her stuff that i used to protect..the things that i bought,done,got from her..those things will bring back my memory of how happy i am i used to be..

now i felt lonely...usually my 24 hour life will be fill with me trying to woo her heart..but right now..everything back to normal..such a boring normal..god..why..am i that cruel to woman ? am i such an evil ? i only ask for her heart to be mine..and i always promised myself,the world, that i will always taken care of it...and my loyalty will never be destroy..but why..i don't have the answer..

i wish her the best of life...i will never ask for her to regret..but if does..i hope that she open her heart for me..and at the same time..i can open my heart for her..

it's the end of everything..as i knew and realize that i've 'died'...

i knew that someday u have a beautifull life
i hope u be a star
in somebody else sky
but why can't it be mine ?

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aku igt nak kuar da dari pahang ni...kl or jaybe...or somewhere..aku dah terlalu breakdown skrg ni..

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aku g awana kijal la arini...hehehehheheheheh..hah cuak korang semua..tu la sapa x jaga aku bebaik..

sori ek erin...gurau2 je sbg kawan nak gak tahu sejauh mana erin concern about kta..heheheh

dah le..aku nak g mandi kolam..bereh boh !!

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aku suka kat dia sampai skrg..hanya tuhan shj yg tahu sekuat mana aku menyukai dia..walaupun dia sampai skrg still x nampak ( salah aku gak psl penyegan sangat )..tp aku hrp dia nampak gak..


knp dia ? knp bukan org lain..

sebenarnye aku malas dah nak mencari. kta semua nak cari yg perfect tp sebenarnya tuhan dah cipta manusia tu sama tara..maybe dia hensem tp playboy..maybe dia jiwang karat tp actually dia mmg penyayang orgnya ( kta semua geli dengan org yg jiwang tp nak somebody yg bleh belai dan melayan perasaan kta )..tp kita sering lupa/abaikan pilihan2 yg ada didepan mata..lagpun ko igt sng nak kawin skrg ni ? at least biarla aku ada target..skrg target dah ada..tp aku kene gamble ngan amik satu risk yg dia akan terima aku satu masa nanti..

so skrg kumpul duit la nak kawin..kalau x dapat memang aku buat modal jadi artis..

apala nasib..aku ni bukannya playboy,baik,sedia berbuat apa sahaja, telinga dan mata yg sentiasa utk mendengar luahan dan masalah ( tanyala nazreen,ujie dll )..hormat org tua ( tanya la siti, family dia suka gler kat aku walaupun aku nyaris kene halau dari masuk umah dia..cinta nye pasal la tu )..apa lagi aaaa..slack aku x hensem dan x menarik..( tp ada org kata aku cute ??? )..kkadang nak gak aku jadi org bandar 100 % layan clubbing,kaler rambut,pakai gelang tangan,bla2..tp kalau aku nak buat tu semata2 nak dapat perempuan..wtf...be yourself..walaupun aku tahu yg aku bukan lagi maisu setahun dulu..tp hahah..ntahle..

maybe aku patut letak kepala aku dalam air dan cuba tahan nafas selama 30 minit..

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