have a chat this afternoon..talking about last night matter..suprisingly she confess that women do a bit materialistic...an answer that I doesn't want to hear...manage to talk her about having dinner tomorrow night..could I make it as my first date..or just consider it as a hang out..

I feel a bit sad today.....and the idea of leaving Malaysia for Scotland is coming back again...1 year break out could make me able to break the spell she have put on me...wish i didn't have to said that...I know that only magic and luck could help me now....hoping it will be available through mail order...

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haven't gotten some enough sleep. Thinking too much lately. Realizing that everyone is comparing me to that 'mushroom ' person. Yeah, I know that is like heaven and earth between me and him. So that mean that I've to forget above Buttercookies. Almost 90% of them thinks so. But still ( how stuborn ), I've to believe that she wasn't that materialistic girl, chasing people with looks and also cars ( ? ). I just don't know, maybe leaving for KL try to find a decent job there and try to forget everything and also every dream about her. Listening to Showbizz, try to find which are my true feeling. Because I've got confused, mad, angry, sad, happy. Just don't know which one is true. "Controlling my feelings far too long "..................am I losing the unknown battle the hard way or there still some twist anywhere....will it worth it...I'm leaving that question for some time....

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BC goes out again with her friend, that guy by the name of mushrooms, and looks like everyone is against my decision of staying loyal to her. The real question is which one is the truth and which one is a fake....I don't know...like i'm bit puzzle....the only answer lies on her hands. I cannot beat that guy, good looking, got great jobs, got cars...while I'm currently useless person except in a few department. If I trully love her and want her to be happy, then I have to let her go.....could I ?.....

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Okay, it is almost a week since I've started working at Generation Cyber Cafe. Suprisingly, I get different opinion about working here. Both negative and positive. My cousin/family didn't like it because the area aorund Jln Wong Ah Jang is a bit dangerous especially with the kind of work I do ( cashier !! ) it is already enough to put me in danger of robbery. But anyway with the customer came in and out plus my work time is from 3 - 9 pm, it is obviously that I'm safe. Most importantly, BC agree with my decision.

Talking about her makes me thinking about many things especially the business regarding this friend of her. Let said that it is some kind of threat to me. But no too serious as a previously. Last week she go out with that guy. I got totally confused, mad, sad and also panic. Most of the people that night saw me with red faces, they said that I look 'masam'. Obviously I've tried to calm myself, thinking positive tough, yet it failed. But BC try talked back to me and explain everything. Again her words is confusing me. She said that I've never failed to win her heart. And yet she seems trying to give chance. Something that I've never had for the entire 23 years of my existence. Last night, I buy her soya milk. Guess I try to win her heart in a very milky way. Anyway soya beans is best for your brain and skins.

I'm hoping for the best........and god please guide me through this rough road...

Yes, that I've trully love her....nothing gonna change my love for her....and please.....

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It's been a while since my last post here..
So its still a fresh 2004 but time do pass very fast. I've already finish my studies at IKIP and got a pass for all my papers. Next month ( 10 APril ) I will receive my cert at Hyatt Teluk Chempedak

Regarding Buttercookies issue, both of us have a mutual aggrement to stick together as a friend not as a loving friend. Trully hope that relationship will continue to a bigger step. But please not too rush ka

thats all for now

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