hari ni aku tulis gak.dekat 1 minggu aku cakap nak tulis wlaupun ngan masa yg ada tp aku bazirkan dengan buat keje x berfaedah tu lagi.so far hmpr sebulan aku x sebut 5 huruf tu..dan dekat 1 bulan aku cuma jumpe 2 kali je..most of the time aku always mengelak dari berjumpa, bercakap, bermsg dll...ada certain time aku rasa cam kene pinggir je tp wtf aku peduli hapa..mati nanti sorang jugak..haha..aku skrg feel hepi psl dah x de mende yg kaco pemikiran aku dah..main bola pun dah makin meningkat..haha.miss the old defensive midfielder..

so ada member aku tanya..
skrg ko buat pe balik dari keje ? aku jawab :

abis keje..duk opis sejam dua
pegi makan
balik umah main game/tgk astro/layan kucing
malam sikit cari mangsa kat taj/cs/alif
dah cecah 1 pagi tdo...

a boring life...but that's life...hhehehe

tp ada sesuatu yg buat aku seronok...samada dia bakal menjadi my best bud or my perfect one..i really don't care..because she really come in times i need someone to help me to forget the other one..and yes i'm almost succeed..

tomorrow is the D-Day..aku perform kt kuantan plaza..rasa cam best tp ntahla..because i'm to going to play 'that' song..infact aku baru perasaan setlist for tomorrow is a jiwa kecewa type of theme..huhuh..lantak pi la..biarpun blum apa2 lagi dah ada org nak downkan aku..peduli hapa..aku just nak have the fun of it..enjoying the starlight..

iza..ko sihat ke disana ?

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aku rasa cam nak pindah umah..pastu aku rasa cam nak pindah kl ( ada org suka la aku pindah ni :P )..boring pastu bosan dengan kerenah so far called 'friends' kat kuantan ni..it's not like it use to be..maybe ada antaranya salah aku gak..but aku rasa dari dulu lagi mende ni dah berlaku..every one is being comfort with those satu kepala dengan mereka...if that's the case mine is in KL..but i miss kuantan dearly..close to my real home,hidup x sesesak kat kl..at least i can still survive here..but kl..camne ek..

sorang kwn aku bodo..bikin aku panas satu malam..x pandai langsung hormat perasaan member..

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kadang2 ..

kta rasa kta buat mende tu betul tp pada mata org salah
kta rasa org tu bahagia tp sebenarnya tidak
kta buat2 gembira,suka sana sini tp disebaliknya tidak
kta tunjuk benci,marah,geram dengan org itu tp sebenarnya lain sama sekali
kta rasa boleh baca sifat seseorang itu tp sebenarnya tidak
kta rasa percaya bhw dia adalah yg terbaik tp sebenarnya tidak
kta rasa dah cukup berusaha tp sebenarnya tidak
kta rasa kecewa tp sebenarnya kta puas hati

ya..aku puas hati psl aku dah buat yg termampu utk diri dia..aku x kisah samaada dia suka atau tidak kerana satu masa dahulu itula kehendak dia..dan pilihan aku ketika itu samada mahu mencuba atau tidak..aku tahu risiko dan peluang yg teramat tipis..tp bagi aku ianya satu pilihan yg worth to be dying with..kta x leh nak ramal masa depan..it's just a rollercoaster ride actually..the positive factor is : you knew well about her..and what's best than being with your true friend as ur long-loving partner till the end of life..

currently everything has turn up side down..but i already predicted it will happen..and alhamdullilah it's happened..kenapa aku bersyukur ? psl ianya menandakan titik berhenti kpd segala usaha aku..it's already that i've tried enough..but it's not a game end..kalau ada jodoh tidak kemana..i always believe there is hope..maybe a small hope..and i always hope time will heal all the wound..will make her to think deeply inside her heart how i am always there for her..because that's the true meaning of being special..regardless the critism/pain/suffering/dilema that i faced all along but still i bounced back for her..sometimes i ask god..why that i must fell in love with her..someone that i once thought only as a best friend..am i that lonely..or there is jodoh between us anyway..

i always believe in magic,miracle,dreams...because there is exist..can magic save my dream ?

sometimes i just wish that could just fade like dust because to hurt/disturb/to be called annoying were the last thing a friend could do to his friend..sometimes i feel dumb doing things that in the end she doesn't have any glimmer appreciate it..sometimes i felt regret to try because i know the battle is though..

but i knew all the risk..and i took it..because i knew that she indeed special..if this is a war that i couldn't win..for once i wanna die trying it.. no use if u admire someone but got no bottle to fight over it..

as a linear note...i wish she knew that i have become the person she wanted the most sometimes ago..but i couldn't be perfect like all human does..and for all the stupid things that i've done..sincerely and publicly..i appologize..as a normal human..we will always do mistake...

now i felt much freedom....no need to taking care of her..eventhough she never ask me to take her..no need to worried damm much when she becomes ill..no need to worried about her safety when she travel anywhere..no need to put her on the top of my priority list whenever i go out/travel..no need to wish her gudnite,gudmorning..damm..there so much more of her in my life..and now i felt empty... :(...now let's other people who she liked the most to take care her..and again..i hope that her choice were better than me..so in the end i don't felt much regret...

my 11th crush..were among the biggest,the baddest,the heartbreaking ever..i sincerely confess it now..that i've started to have this love feeling since 2005...it's spill out finally on Jun 2007..it ended on 1 April 2008..by 15 sms...it ended with me confessing and telling everything from the deep jungle of my heart..

there is one thing that i will missing the most..her smile..her laugh..her cheerfull face..her voice..her sms..her call..her stuff that i used to protect..the things that i bought,done,got from her..those things will bring back my memory of how happy i am i used to be..

now i felt lonely...usually my 24 hour life will be fill with me trying to woo her heart..but right now..everything back to normal..such a boring normal..god..why..am i that cruel to woman ? am i such an evil ? i only ask for her heart to be mine..and i always promised myself,the world, that i will always taken care of it...and my loyalty will never be destroy..but why..i don't have the answer..

i wish her the best of life...i will never ask for her to regret..but if does..i hope that she open her heart for me..and at the same time..i can open my heart for her..

it's the end of everything..as i knew and realize that i've 'died'...

i knew that someday u have a beautifull life
i hope u be a star
in somebody else sky
but why can't it be mine ?

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aku igt nak kuar da dari pahang ni...kl or jaybe...or somewhere..aku dah terlalu breakdown skrg ni..

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